Tuesday, January 8, 2013

typical day or overreacting?

hello and good evening.  I'm not going to worry too much about grammar and such...I'm going to just write tonight.  I'm holding a baby and using this new crazy way of creating words.  I'm swiping my finger over letters and my magical tablet knows just what to type...crazy.

so on to my dilemma.  I work away from home like most people - so dialogue between me and wife consists of texts or email.  when I hear very little from her I know it's busy or something is up...sometimes both.  sometimes one triggers the other.

I've told her in the past to use me as as sounding board or at the very least a way to keep in touch with the outside world and not babies twenty four seven.  let me know what's going on - good, bad, indifferent.  I thought it would be a good way to vent...after all she does it here or on Facebook. why not with me?

 so long story short....she's stressed when I get home.  and I could tell.  and I tried to get something from her but she's distant.  big D number 1.  I get frustrated and I want to talk but time is not on our side.  She has to leave to take daughter to dance...urgh.  I got mad and started picking up and bringing down laundry...I tend to start doing things when I get mad.  I was bringing down a hamper of clothes as she was walking out and she opened the door to the garage right as i was trying to get to laundry room.  it was one of those moments that could be either bad timing or on purpose...depending on the individual.  all I wanted was for her to pull the door shut enough for me to pass.  She didn't...so I helped her....by using my foot to push the door shut and her with it.  in her defense she thought daughter was coming but she wasn't.  one of those moments.

She was gone for a few hours and I tried to clean a little and watch the boys.  a nice quiet evening which I use to reflect.  I know I want to spank her.  more for maintenance than anything.  I know she gets stressed and frustrated so I try not to add to it but I want to help...but she shuts down just as bad as I can (another story for another time) more than anything I want to spank to bring us together.  does that even make sense?  her butt gets smacked but is that fair??  how do you know when it's right to spank...this is as gut feeling for me here and I'm writing before carrying anything out.  She didn't think I would.  neener neener.

we're new to this and even newer to sharing our thoughts...

I'm looking forward to your input.



  1. Hi H,
    You mentioned Maintenance, but that's planned ahead of time or used to maintain a punishment spanking beyond what can be given in one session. Anyway, it's sounds like your thinking about a Stress Relief Spanking which is definitely a part of many DD relationships. It's a very useful tool for the HoH to use. But, it's best to bring it up in a DD focused discussion first so you can determine a consensual understanding for when & how it's used.

  2. Hi H,
    Around here I do get spankings like what you are thinking about. They are sort of on the spot--to clear the air and to get me communicating. The trick is that they can make me super resentful if they don't come with a lot of communication on my husband's side. I can feel like he's just frustrated with me and taking it out on me. I know from what Emi has written in the past, the "drive-by" spankings can be hard on her.

    So...not advice so much but if you want to take her in hand, get her talking and give her a bit of a reset, please be gentle and get her talking first so you know what's going on in her head. She may need more hugs than spanks, but only you will know after talking with her.

  3. Hey H

    Both this is going to prove to be tricky with this talk to her, talk to him format.

    So typical Willie I'll just talk about myself. I know with me, and many other women, we pretty much know when we are in a 'state' where we need to be TiH- admitting it to ourselves is another story. That being said, something along the lines of this might be helpful

    " Is there something wrong? Is there something I can help you with?" A little well timed communication can go a very LONG way. At the heart of ttwd, is communication. A spanking without it, can seem out of the blue, confusing and angers the TiH. After a spanking emotions can be all over the map, at the best of times, if there a state of confusion before hand I can only imagine that the purpose for the spanking would be totally lost. Essentially a waste of time and energy.

  4. I get spanked for stress relief, for fun, for punishment and sometimes just because my Dragon wants to spank. Over-reaction? Your sweet wife is stressed and distancing. Spanking is one solution. Think of ways to help her relax and let go of some of that stress. Does she like bubble baths? An evening out with the girls? A babysitter for the day? A date night?

    Think on it. A spanking may help but something else may be better.

  5. I agree with what others have already said, particularly about communication. A stress relief or centering spanking can certainly be a help to me, but I need to know that's what Michael is going for and that he's not punishing me for having feelings and being out of sorts. I also agree that there may be other choices. Sometimes when I'm feeling stressed Michael will opt to do something like brush my hair. I sit on the floor on a pillow or on our bed and he brushes my hair and talks to me in a loving way while doing so. That can be just as good or sometimes work even better than a spanking for me. Perhaps there's something like that that would help your wife as well.

  6. That would definitely be something my husband would do in that situation. A reset.
    He has incorporated more maintenance and it has really helped.
    I love that you both are blogging and getting more communication. It sounds like from her side of things, you do need to work out some things. She thought completely differently than you.. As usual that happens here, too, lol.

    Good for you thought for wanting to help her out. :) I think that shows you're very thoughtful!!!

    Elle :)

  7. Hi H, like everyone said, communication is tantamount. Sometimes if she is shutting down, you need a tool to break through. You can call it whatever feels right for you - stress relief, role affirmation, maintenance, reset, reconnection - it's pretty much all semantics - and sometimes (words are powerful) a word can have a negative connotation and we tailor it to what works for us (like the rest of TTWD).

    More important than what you call it is the intent...you want to help Emi release stress, connect with you and build a stronger relationship. When I feel like she is feeling I need Ward to spank, long and firm to take the edge off and let me feel soft, and let me feel my place under his hand. Yes, it makes sense that you want to spank to bring you together.

    And fair...well that's an interesting concept that Ward and I have examined on out blog. I hold the belief, and I know a few of my friends here feel the same, when I consented to this lifestyle, agreed to submit to his authority, I agreed that he has the right to take me in hand whenever he sees fit, for whatever reason. My consent makes it pretty well impossible for it to be unfair. (like everything else - that's what works for us - your mileage may vary, this is never one-size fits all.)

    Pretty much it boils down to, you know Emi, you know what she needs, and what works for you.

  8. Hello H,

    I think some of the others have definatly hit on the communication aspect of things. Communication is vital here. As a fellow HoH, I'd recommend discussing the benefits that a good stress relief spanking can bring. I would also not get to caught up on labels, as the gentleman of the house, it's up to you to communicate with and define the terms of your relationship. In this particular instance, I'd recommend appologizing for the frustrations that you've both felt, and then after spending some quality time communicating, I think a good sound spanking would benefit both of you, I would also recommend that if you do this, that you let her know that this isn't about punishment or correction, but both of you getting to a better place.

  9. I think, if what she says is true about only getting 4 hours sleep a night, that she needs sleep and rest more than a spanking. How functional is she expected to be on so little rest. God Bless You and Yours, Belle L.

  10. Happy new year to everyone! Have just updated my blog www.1950princess.blogspot.co.uk

    Princess x

  11. Just from another woman's pov....her not using you for a sounding board and shutting down may be because she doesn't want to burden you or make you feel guilty because you can't be there at home all the time when things go down....I know I have a bad habit of this myself with DH. Hope it gets better

  12. Spanking isn't the only answer! Don't listen to anyone but you and your wife. There are many ways to address issues and stress ... and spanking someone to make yourself feel better is wrong, wrong, wrong. DD isn't only for you. Your wife is dealing with an insane about of pressure and may not need to be "spanked" into "feeling" better. I little understanding and postive attitude from you can do wonders.