Tuesday, January 8, 2013

typical day or overreacting?

hello and good evening.  I'm not going to worry too much about grammar and such...I'm going to just write tonight.  I'm holding a baby and using this new crazy way of creating words.  I'm swiping my finger over letters and my magical tablet knows just what to type...crazy.

so on to my dilemma.  I work away from home like most people - so dialogue between me and wife consists of texts or email.  when I hear very little from her I know it's busy or something is up...sometimes both.  sometimes one triggers the other.

I've told her in the past to use me as as sounding board or at the very least a way to keep in touch with the outside world and not babies twenty four seven.  let me know what's going on - good, bad, indifferent.  I thought it would be a good way to vent...after all she does it here or on Facebook. why not with me?

 so long story short....she's stressed when I get home.  and I could tell.  and I tried to get something from her but she's distant.  big D number 1.  I get frustrated and I want to talk but time is not on our side.  She has to leave to take daughter to dance...urgh.  I got mad and started picking up and bringing down laundry...I tend to start doing things when I get mad.  I was bringing down a hamper of clothes as she was walking out and she opened the door to the garage right as i was trying to get to laundry room.  it was one of those moments that could be either bad timing or on purpose...depending on the individual.  all I wanted was for her to pull the door shut enough for me to pass.  She didn't...so I helped her....by using my foot to push the door shut and her with it.  in her defense she thought daughter was coming but she wasn't.  one of those moments.

She was gone for a few hours and I tried to clean a little and watch the boys.  a nice quiet evening which I use to reflect.  I know I want to spank her.  more for maintenance than anything.  I know she gets stressed and frustrated so I try not to add to it but I want to help...but she shuts down just as bad as I can (another story for another time) more than anything I want to spank to bring us together.  does that even make sense?  her butt gets smacked but is that fair??  how do you know when it's right to spank...this is as gut feeling for me here and I'm writing before carrying anything out.  She didn't think I would.  neener neener.

we're new to this and even newer to sharing our thoughts...

I'm looking forward to your input.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

first blog as H.

Hi and thanks for reading.  I've been asked to share my thoughts and feelings about our experience with Taken in Hand...or Bird in Hand for us.  that name came from me and my tendency to get tongue tied and make up my own name for things.  it worked out for us since my wife is a bird fan...and she is my little birdie.  It seemed to fit and she created her blog using this new name.

I'm trying to type this on a tablet and it is very difficult. my next post will be using a keyboard and better composition.  I'll figure out what works for me and hopefully blog on a regular basis.  I enjoy writing and it seems to work for my wife and I too.  it allows us to communicate and get some thoughts down that may not always work face to face.  it works for me to by giving me a chance to read and think instead of reading and reacting.  I think guys tend to get revved up quickly which can be negative depending on the conversation and speaking from experience...I like to have time to process.

trial and error.  relationships are and should be built on this.  if you love someone then it shouldn't be hard to learn as you go.  I think a lot of people do not want to put through the effort to make and build a marriage...because it is not easy and not always instant gratification.  and in this day in age if it's not instant it's not worth our time.

make a long story short.  we both want our marriage to work and to last.  we, like any couple, have hit roadblocks and had our discussions about whether or not we would ever go our separate ways.  neither one of us were ready to call it quits but we also didn't have an answer for how to make our relationship solid.

it was a year ago when my wife approached me about the possibility of spanking as a way of bringing some stability to our marriage.  initially I thought it was strange since she was bringing it to me.  but the idea was something that made some sense to me.  and lo and behold...apparently I'm a closet spank o.  imagine that.

As as child I had a father who wouldn't hesitate to lay down the law...on my ass.  if I needed it he'd give it.  So naturally I thought this was the way to discipline...however I couldn't bring myself to make my household part of corporal punishment.  Now there have been times where I've wanted to and there were times where it has happened.   but no consistency was established.  I do threaten...but a lot of the time it's empty.  I think I'm programmed and designed to live this lifestyle I just didn't know how to implement it.  so when the wife brought it to me I had my concerns and questions.  how does this work...why does it work...is this abuse?  I wasn't sure how to proceed but I was curious.  I'm going to end this here because it's a great transition into our back story...more to come...